our society should understand a successful marriage By Abdisalaan Ahmed

In past generations, the challenge of dating was different around the world,and particularly the Somalis. Men and women wanted a partner could fulfill their basic needs for security and survival. Women looked for a strong man who would be a good provider; men searched for a nurturing woman to make a home and a woman who can handle home chores. This courting dynamic, which has been in place for hundreds of years, has suddenly changed.
The new challenge of dating is to find a partner who not only will be supportive of our physical needs for survival and security but will support our emotional, mental, and spiritual needs as well.

Today we want more from our relationships. Millions of men and women around the world are searching for a soulmate to experience lasting love, happiness, and romance
It is no longer enough to just find someone who is willing to marry us, we want partners who will love us more as they get to know us: we want to live happy and we may recognize after. To find and recognize partners who can fulfill our new needs for increased intimacy, good communication, and a great love life, we need to choose carefully our partner and we should improve our dating skills.
Even if by good fortune you find a soulmate, without the right dating skills, you may not recognize him or her and get married. Many single people don’t understand this basic truth. They Mistakenly believe that if you love someone, you should want.To have a relationship with them. This is not right. The closer Someone is to being the right person, the more you will be able to see him or her as worthy of your love, but still this might
Not be the right person for you. Just because you love someone
Doesn’t mean he or she is right the one for you. Many people become confused when they fall in love.

They think that if you love someone you should want to be together
forever. If you break up, they mistakenly assume that you didn’t really love them and as a result they feel betrayed. People do not realize that love is not enough. If they discover that their partner is not right, either they feel guilty ending the relationship or they unnecessarily focus on what does not work in the relationship in order to justify leaving.
Some people will automatically become more critical and judgmental to justify ending a relationship. When couples don’t know how to end a relationship with love, they bring
out the worst in their partners and the worst in themselves. Not only is this unnecessary, but it makes it more difficult to  find the right person next time. There are games and manipulations to make someone love you and want you to marry you, but this doesn’t ensure that he or she will be right for you. For instance, women are experienced this kind of feeling when woman feel in love  with someone she is always committed and she wants that back from her partner. As steve harvey points out on his tv show called steve harvey morning show; steve explains that women have made clear that they want an even exchange with men: they want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect the premium that they put on commitment to be equally adhered to, valued, and respected. The problem for all too many women who call in to his  radio show, though, is that they just can’t get that reciprocation from men, and women then end up feeling disappointed, disenfranchised, and disillusioned by their failed relationships”.as steve told us  This is something needs to be understood deeply. When we come to our society as somalis most Somali women experience this disappointment and this disillusion caused by their failed relationship. So today’s youth need to know this three vital pillars of successful marriage relationships. A successful marriage is something that two people work hard at building together. Marriage requires two people who desire to walk the same walk in life, and in the process build a successful relationship and family life.
There are three pillars for a successful marriage which are absolutely necessary in order for you to enjoy the blessings of a successful marriage. If even one of these is left out, the likelihood of your marriage losing balance and focus are increased greatly.

• Pillar one: integrity

Integrity is the first pillar of a successful marriage and most of today’s generation in our society as Somalis are not aware of this pillar. This pillar of integrity will be critical in the building of a successful marriage and do much to ensure a strong structure. It is also called commitment or honor. In order for your marriage to be successful, or solid, it must be founded upon principles that both you and your spouse agree, and which you both are stellar in keeping. You must inspect each other to decide if you both have what it takes together to build a strong and lasting marriage based on principles that both embrace as true.

Our most important and best decisions that we make in life are based upon our values and beliefs as individuals. When both partners in a marriage share the same basic beliefs and values, (as we do as somalis),and are committed to living those principles.

• Pillar Two: Respect

Respect and trust in a marriage co-exist. It is not possible to have one without the other. When both marriage partners trust that both in the marriage have the same values and beliefs they able to then trust one another in all things, which are done independently in that marriage. A girl should keep in mind  that, she is going to be a wife and  generally know, unless there are extenuating circumstances involved, how her husband will act in a given situation, and very similar to the way she would likely conduct herself. This is based on the fact that both partners in the marriage trust that they share similar values and beliefs; and generally will act accordingly. And so they can then trust that although differences may and will arise, but the goals of the marriage which is the most important will remain.
Respect between marriage partners is a powerful pillar in the building and ensuring that your marriage is successful and core of somali cultural and norms encourages this.

With respect as the second pillar, standing beside the first principle of Integrity you are on your way to a successful marriage and family life.

• Pillar Three: Endurance

Now we must add the element of the third pillar, which is endurance. Endurance, in my opinion, is much more powerful than commitment alone. If we are to lay claim to a successful marriage we simply must stick with it no matter what! it is not uncommon to hear a person that has opted for a divorce, to later in their life make a comment suggesting, perhaps, that they probably could have worked things out, or that they wish they had never opted for divorce. it is not uncommon to hear a person that has opted for a divorce, to later in their life make a comment suggesting, perhaps, that they probably could have worked things out, or that they wish they had never opted for divorce.

Finally our society should understand a successful marriage is the greatest gift, that two people can give and receive. A commitment to maintain as individuals, the strength of each of these three pillars; Integrity; Respect; and Endurance – will ensure a legacy of love, which will withstand, for generations to come…

By Abdisalaan Ahmed

The Author Abdisalan Ahmed is lecturer and freelance writer based in Hargeisa, Somaliland.

Address +252634406358-  email: eeshiyagaboobe@gmail.com